Meowism Stories/Wisdom
This is under construction, sorry -Sonya
Stories from the Holy Meowble/Mible
Miracle of the Five Loaves and Two Fish
A large crowd was following the Magical Girl Meowbah, and as the days passed her disciples came and said to her: “Magical Girl Meowbah, these people have been following you for three days and they’ve become very hungry and we only have five loafs of bread and two fish.” And Magical Girl Meowbah said: “Bring the fish and bread to me!” And her disciples did. Magical Girl Meowbah took 99% of the bread and the fish and gave the 1% back to the disciples to spread amongst the followers evenly. And the disciples said: “But how shall we feed all these people with only 1% of the bread and fish?” Magical Girl Meowbah said: Why are these people always looking for a handout? They should just go out and get a job! Hahaha” The disciples were in awe with Magical Girl Meowbah’s wisdom.
Blessings for a Blind Man
When walking down the streets, Magical girl Meowbah was approached by an old blind man. “Have mercy on me, Magical Girl Meowbah” said the blind man. And Magical Girl Meowbah said: “What is it you want?” and the blind man said: “Marshall Meowbah, I’m blind and I wish to see. Can you heal me?” And Magical Girl Meowbah said: “Oh, ObamaCare didn’t take care of that for you?” And the blind man said: “Magical Girl Meowbah, you are right. I’ll just go back to being blind.” And all her disciples were in awe of Magical Girl Meowbah’s wisdom.
Cast no Stones
Magical Girl Meowbah has noticed a crowd had gathered around a young woman, and they were about to stone her to death. “WHAT is going on here!?” Said Magical Girl Meowbah. And the crowd said: “This woman expects us to pay for HER contraceptives with OUR tax money! We’re going to stone her!” And Magical Girl Meowbah said: “Cast no stone! That is a waste of stone and I need these stones to build my 15th house. Just throw her off a bridge instead.” And all the disciples were in awe of Magical Girl Meowbah’s wisdom.
Wisdom from Meowbah
Meowtthew 25:30-40
“Meow was hungry, and you gave Meow something to eat. Meow was thirsty and you gave Meow something to drink. And behold, now Meow is all lazy and entitled. You shouldn’t have done that!”
Luke 6:31
“Do unto others as you suspect they might want to do unto you.”
Luke 9:25
“What if a member profited, if they gain the whole world, but lose their soul? A lot. The member has profited a lot. That is an ameowzing deal!”
Luke 6:41
“Why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother’s eye, but ignore the plank in your own? Because of her emails.”
Meowtthew 5:39
“If a man strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him and and shoot him. That is the law.”
Meowtthew 19:21
“If you want to be perfect, go, sell all the possessions that you have and give the money to a solid meowtual fund. By this they will know that you are Meows disciples. That you say Merry Meowsmas! Meow, Meowsmas! That’s Meow’s name in there, Meow put in there, because Meow wanted it in there so we could all celebrate Magical Girl Meowbah’s birthday time! Ok? OK!”
Meowtthew 9:22-22
A woman came up to Magical Girl Meowbah saying: “Meowbah, Meowbah. Surely You can heal me” “My child, of course Meow could, but who would pay for it?” Meowbah said. The woman exclaimed “What? I don’t understand. I don’t have any money.” On which Meowbah answered: “Yes, it’s a sad story, but that does not make Meow responsible.”
Meowrk 10:23-25
“It is super duper easy for a pillow-buyer to enter the Kingdom of Meowven. The richer, the better, really! Maybe get a house made of pillows, just to be sure.”
Meowrk 12:31
“Love your fellow members as yourself, unless you are better than the other members. Then tell them, that they are weird and you do not want to make fanart for them.”
Meowtthew 5:27-28
“You have heard it said, ‘Thou shalt not commit bannable offenses’, but Meow says to you: ‘any member that wants to break the rules should go ahead and do what you gotta do and make a ban appeal video drinking milk.’ ”
“You have a clever way of rejecting Meow’s law in order to uphold your own teaching.” -Meowbah, Meowrk 7:9
Meow once said
“You can only go to the Kingdom of Meowven with the proper documentation”
“Have you even said THANK YOU one time since you got here?” and Meow’s disciples were amazed by Meow’s wisdom